How Dads Can Best Support New Moms

appreciation bonding buff muff app encourage parenthood support for mom Jan 09, 2020

New dad holding his newborn baby while supporting his partner through early postpartum recovery

By Kim Vopni, The Vagina Coach — Certified Pelvic Floor Fitness Specialist · Published January 9, 2020

Direct Answer

New dads support recovery best by protecting rest rather than rushing it. Draw her a bath, use your muscles to lift and move her so her healing core does not have to, tell her often how proud you are, and gently slow her down when she wants to rush back to the gym at six weeks.

Key Takeaways

A new mom’s abdominal wall and pelvic floor are stretched and weak, so every time she lifts or rises she loads a healing core.
Doing the physical lifting for her, in and out of bed, the bath or a chair, is one of the most useful things a partner can do.
Warm baths with healing herbs, taken behind a closed door while you take the baby, give her the quiet rest recovery needs.
Verbal appreciation matters, because women are often hardest on themselves exactly when they have been strongest.
Helping her resist the rush back to bootcamp or skinny jeans protects her long-term core and pelvic floor health.

Some Advice for New Dads

Bringing home a new baby can be overwhelming for parents and in particular for dads, who are unsure of how to care for their new child and how to best support their partner.

Most are sure they want to bond, and to help, but are unsure of exactly how. They can be nervous about doing something wrong. Here are some tips on how to best support your amazing wife as you both transition to parenthood.

Draw Her A Bath

Your partner has gone through a lot – she has grown a baby and given birth to that baby and her body needs time to heal.

Regular baths filled with healing herbs are a necessity for a new mom. Draw her a bath, help her in and then close the door while you tend to babe. Quiet, healing rest is crucial and so appreciated.

Use Your Muscles

Something as simple as getting in and out of bed can be incredibly difficult for a new mom. Her abdominal muscles that offer support to her spine and help her move are stretched and weak, and her pelvic floor that supports her spine, pelvis and internal organs has been through a lot.

Her core is compromised and needs to heal but every time she moves, her core is called upon. Instead of her doing all the work, use your muscles to help her in and out of bed or the bath or up from the chair. Make it as easy as possible for her so her core can recover.

Be a Proud Papa

You will be beaming with pride for your newborn but remember the mother of your child as well. Tell her how proud you are of her, how much you love her and how amazing she is.

Women are hard on themselves and at a time when they have demonstrated incredible strength, they can feel at their weakest. By feeling honoured and appreciated by you, her spirits will be lifted and she will better find strength in herself.

Slow Her Down

Your wife will be in a hurry to do things herself, or get back into her skinny jeans, or return to the gym. You play a key role in making sure she slows down and embraces the new life you have created.

Encourage her to rest as much as possible, ensure she does not go to bootcamp at six weeks and remind her that she has just accomplished an amazing feat and there is no need to rush.

The best thing a new dad can do for his new family is to offer appreciative support to his partner by just being there and letting her know that you care. A new baby is a time to come together as a family, to allow mom to heal, and for all to bond together in this amazing new journey.

A great program for New Moms is our Buff Muff App. There is a ton of free content available to anyone who downloads the app including a 7-day pelvic floor fitness challenge to introduce you to the concept of a whole-body fitness approach to pelvic health. Once the free challenge ends you have the option to join the membership for ongoing support from me, your very own vagina coach. It is available on both iPhone and Android. Click on the buttons below.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can a new dad best support his partner’s recovery?
Protect her rest, do the physical lifting, keep her fed and hydrated, take the baby so she can bathe, and encourage her not to rush back to exercise. Practical help and genuine appreciation matter more than getting everything perfect.

Why does a new mom need help getting in and out of bed?
Her abdominal muscles and pelvic floor are stretched and weak after pregnancy and birth. Every time she pushes up to sit or stand she loads that healing core, so having someone lift and support her lets it recover.

Are baths helpful after giving birth?
Warm baths, including sitz baths with healing herbs, are commonly used to soothe a healing perineum and give a new mom quiet rest. Follow your care provider’s guidance on timing, especially after a caesarean or stitches.

When can a new mom go back to the gym?
There is no universal six-week green light. Rushing into bootcamp-style exercise before the core and pelvic floor have healed raises the risk of leaking, prolapse and abdominal separation. Restorative work comes first.

What if dad feels nervous about doing something wrong?
That is completely normal. Ask her what she needs, take on the tasks she cannot do comfortably, and remember that showing up consistently matters far more than doing everything perfectly.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like our episode:
Return To Activity Guidelines Postpartum with Dr Carrie Pagliano

Listen to the episode